Greetings fellow writers,
Over the weeks we have shared with you our challenges, strategies, and in general, some advice for how you could be approaching your writing tasks. However, as we all know, we do not write in a vacuum, meaning that writing is always CONTEXT dependent. And, as we write to you every week, our writing has been shaped by our experiences, and the current climate and circumstances we are living in.
Much like writing, we are always aware of the bigger picture as human beings, students and professionals. As you prepare for examinations, write your thesis or prepare your manuscripts, you are thinking about how you would respond as a health care professional or a scientist, and how you would incorporate your experiences into your writing, change your research design, etcetera.
For some of us, #BlackLivesMatter has made us more acutely aware of our African identity and the need to cite and highlight more African scholars in our fields of research. For others, it could mean writing about the challenges you may face in the health care sector during the current pandemic and how you plan to work through them. Either way, writing is context-dependent and we need to adapt and keep that in mind as we write.
However, as I had said in my earlier post, we also need to be kind to ourselves. Now, more than ever! And, part of that is accepting the fact that it is ok to not BE OK.
It is ok to take a break
It is ok to be behind schedule
It is ok to feel demotivated
It is ok to grieve and take moments to consolidate your thoughts & feelings
It is ALL ok, and, you NEED to have ME TIME
It is the same for writing. We don’t emphasise enough that there is a lot of hidden pressure, anxiety and other psychological factors associated with the writing process. I am here to say that THIS IS ALL NORMAL, IT IS OK. When we are learning new aspects, it is meant to make us feel uncomfortable. In that discomfort though, we need to seek solace and support, so that we see the light at the end of the tunnel. These may take many forms:
‘Aha, I get it now’
'I'm going to be ok'
'I have got a plan'
Part of these ‘Aha moments’ is also leaving your writing for an hour or so to ‘marinate’, so that when you approach it again it is from a fresh perspective, which allows you to gain clarity and build momentum. It also means reaching out to US, your writing coaches and mentors. So, I want to reiterate that what you feel when you write your exams, your thesis or whatever you are engaged with...
...is real and part of the learning process.
We, as the Writing Lab team want to reassure you of the above, and that WE are here to ride along with you on your journeys, no matter how bumpy or smooth they may be.
We, too, are also writers, and I would like to share that last week I felt I was not ok. I felt very unmotivated to do anything and I also fell behind on my deadlines. But, then I came across this blog post by Dr Anuja Cabraal, who helped me see the light at the end of my dark tunnel. I hope it inspires you a little, as it did me!
When I write, I write for myself. I put myself on the pages. I put myself in the edits.
I write so that I can understand, explain and express. I don’t know if my words will be heard, I don’t know if my words will resonate. I don’t really think about that when I write. What matters to me is that I have heard, that I have gained clarity. I recognise that being clear about my audience is important, the audience does matter.
For me, though, this comes after I have clarity and understanding of my own thoughts and words.
For me, the process of writing is sometimes about intellectual understanding, and sometimes it is simply about expression. I don’t always like sitting down at the table to write. But when I do sit down, and when I do start writing, I can’t seem to stop typing the words. Other times, I ache to get to the computer, and will wake very early in the morning, or stay up for hours into the night, just so I can write.
There may be times where I have thoughts after something I have read, or a person in mind like a student and the advice I have shared with them, or where I reflect on an idea after a conversation with a friend or colleague. I write it down so that I can see the structure myself. I might know the concepts, but to articulate them, see them on the pages, and form that clarity of thinking around that thought – to be sure that I know what I mean. That is writing for me.
Other times, I write in my head. The words flow and it is almost like I can see them on the pages. I tell my mind to hold them there until I get an opportunity to write. I believe that if they are important enough, they will stay. If they go away…well, that’s okay. Other ideas and words will come.
Right now though, I’m struggling.
I’m writing this because I can’t seem to bring myself to edit my already written words, or to form any structure around them. Fear is in the way. Not fear of what the words say, not because I judge my writing, but I fear sharing my writing. Right now, I am blocked because I fear what others will say. This makes it difficult for me to write, for me to put “me” on the pages and then press send. I don’t always fear sharing my words, but right now, I do.
This fear is cautioning me. It is telling me to put up some walls, some barriers. Sometimes, my fear is about insecurity. This isn’t insecurity; this is caution and, as a friend pointed out to me, fear can sometimes be wise and intelligent. It is a warning that we need to heed. This type of blockage is new for me. A different kind of chatter, a different conversation to ones from before, a differently worded fear in my mind.
You see, I don’t mind the world accessing my words. I’ve written blog posts, papers, and other forms of publications. I understand that I will get criticism in my life, even over my writing. I often seek critical feedback. I like it and believe it only makes me and my writing better. But I’ve recently had interactions that have led to self-doubt. So, right now, the writing feels different, like I am seeking out toxicity, like I am putting myself in the mouth of the lion. But then I remind myself that I have a choice. As my friends and colleagues have reminded me, those experiences were not about me, they were about the toxic people. So, I go back and remember that I have a safe support network, that I am my own safe place.
This is what I will do: I will write, like I always do. Free and flowing. I will remind myself that I can add the armour later. If I try to add the shields and armour from the start, I miss the process of reflection and understanding around my thoughts. I miss the joy and freedom of expression, the beauty and love that comes with the process of simply writing for myself. It is private, intimate, and it is about me and the pages in front of me. I won’t let anything else get in the way of that. I can add the shields later, they are important, and I may very well need them. However, I cannot add the shields, I cannot add the armour, if there is nothing there to protect.
Right now, I’m going to take the time to ground and reconnect with myself again, come back to “me”. Remind myself that I am my own safe place.
Right now, I write for me. This is for me. Let the world do what it will. Let my words fly off into the wind.
Wherever we are, we are in this together. As you move forward right now, do it for yourself, as best you can, BUT please reach out to us to help your words fly off into the wind.
Right now, write for YOURSELF.
It is ok to not be ok, but we always rise and lift one another together!
Best wishes, Taahira Goolam Hoosen
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